These last couple of years have truly been the most mentally and physically challenging of my life. I took pride in my high school academics, staying in the top 10% of my class, taking dual-enrollment classes at Texas State Technical College and participating in cross-country and track as a long-distance runner.
Finishing high school with an A grade-point average and being involved in sports and other clubs supported my mentality of keeping my grades up in order to participate in extracurricular activities.
Starting college, my mentality was it would be a breeze, but boy was I wrong, especially being a full-time student taking five classes each semester; majoring in biomedical science to become a surgeon, in part due to “Grey’s Anatomy”; and working full time to support myself financially throughout the academic year.
I began attending TSTC in Fall 2017 because it was more affordable and to get my basics out of the way first. And, I had been attending classes there since high school. So, I figured I had this in the bag. Yet, again, I was wrong in taking it easy as if it was still “high school.”
I finished that year with a B- average which was horrible compared to high school. This grade cast seeds of doubt in my mind. “Will I even make it to graduation?” “Can I really do this?
I didn’t participate in clubs or activities as I once did in high school that encouraged me to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. I still had time to spend with friends and family, but school was harder than I thought and I never reached out when I should have.
I then transferred to the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley in Fall 2018, continuing my then major in biomedical science. I started to become more appreciated at work, slowly moving up to manager and the job didn’t feel like a drag as much as school did.
Still working full time that first semester, I finished with a 1.14 GPA, causing me to fall under academic probation for the following semester. When learning of my academic probation, I began to focus more on my schoolwork, which conflicted with my new position at work because I was trying to take on fewer hours to utilize them for school and for myself, which didn’t help. But by the end of Spring 2019, I would only have one drop left for the rest of my academic career.
Texas has a “6 Drop” rule, meaning that students are not allowed to drop more than six classes throughout their academic career.
In Fall 2019, I took only three classes to see if that would make a difference. It wasn’t pretty; I finished that semester with two F’s and a C, which is a 1.0 GPA. After this, I was so disappointed in myself for not being able to handle school and my new position as a manager at work.
I dropped out the following semester, not even showing up to classes and just giving up entirely. I didn’t even give a reason for dropping out. I just gave up on myself. At least I still had my job, right? Until February 2020, when I was let go.
By this point, the COVID-19 pandemic had struck and isolation was essential. I believe this is where I fell into a state of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. At the end of 2020, I began to experience seizures with no known causes for my epilepsy. With medication, my disability is manageable.
In February 2021, I started to have ideas of self-harm but never acted on them, thankfully. But at this point, I truly sought out help, reaching out to my parents, at first, with feelings of failure and shame.
I returned to UTRGV in Spring 2023 to study visual communication design and ended the semester with a 3.5 GPA, as well as a spot on the Dean’s List, which was astonishing to me after returning to school following a two-year break and the summer that followed.
I am living with a disability that is constantly trying to hold me back, but I continue to strive forward with the support of my friends, family and peers.
Be kind to yourself no matter the situation. Be understanding and patient with yourself.
