While Valentine’s Day is traditionally a time to celebrate love and friendship, not everyone is seeing red. Some are down with a case of the blues.
This week’s Ask the Expert questions come from Lilian Sanchez, a nursing freshman, and Nicholas Hernandez, a sociology junior, who asked how to cope with a heartbreak.
Sanchez said her last relationship ended because she and her partner were unable to maintain a long-distance relationship.
“We couldn’t see each other often and, like, one person was getting, like, annoyed and, yeah, it just ended,” Sanchez said.
Asked what helped her get through the breakup, she replied that her ex blocking her on social media helped her forget about him.
“Definitely, not go through my phone, like, pictures and stuff,” Sanchez said. “Delete pictures if you have [any] with the person and if it helped, I mean, I didn’t really wanna block him. … That was not in my intention, but if the person blocks you that kind of does help to forget about him. And, yeah, just, like, start getting yourself involved in stuff so you forget about the topic. I don’t know, listen to music, go outside, I don’t know, exercise.”
She said she would like advice from experts on how to handle a long-distance relationship and tips on better date ideas since she is in a new relationship.
“I would want more advice on, like, how to cope on a relationship, just in case this one doesn’t work out,” Sanchez said. “Because, like, I don’t know, for me it’s kind of hard to forget somebody.”
Hernandez said the reason for his last breakup was that the timing was not right.
“We were both busy people and I guess time didn’t really, like, work out for the both of us,” Hernandez said.
He said although his relationship ended on good terms, it was difficult to get over it.
Asked how he managed, Hernandez replied, “Lots and lots of crying. … I mean, we talked about things but, like, it was just my first heartbreak, so it was hard on me. But things are good now.”
Hernandez said some advice he wished he would have listened to in the past was to let it be and trust that things would get better if he just focused on himself.
“People would tell me just to move on but you can’t really move on if you’re not ready to move on,” Hernandez said. “So, I guess that’s the bad advice.”
Asked what advice he would want from experts, Hernandez replied he would like advice on how to cope with heartbreak while not stopping his daily life.
Expert
Maria Alejandra Mazariegos, a clinical therapist for the Counseling Center, shared some of her expert love and dating advice with students to help them get over their heartbreaks.
She said the best way to get over a breakup is to indulge in self-love.
“When we break up, we are focused so much on our former partner, our ex and so, really, we’re not letting the breakup happen,” Mazariegos said. “So, one way is to really focus on yourself.”
The clinical therapist said students need to acknowledge their feelings and understand that it is OK to be upset, sad and even cry.
“You can sit with your emotions, but you don’t have to act on them,” Mazariegos said. “A lot of times people think, ‘Oh, no, I miss, like, my ex. I’m gonna go, like, call them or, like, stalk them on social media,’ and we’re just really prolonging our heartbreak by doing that.”
She said if it is really an ex, then students need to make sure to cut contact with that person to begin healing.
Asked what advice she has for students who are undergoing a breakup during Valentine’s Day, Mazariegos replied, “So, Valentine’s Day it’s really been about Ok, Cupid and finding, like, your other half, but if we don’t have a good relationship with ourselves, we’re bound to not have healthy and long-lasting relationships with others. So, know, ‘Hey, if I’m single on Valentine’s Day or I just went through a breakup, that’s really an opportunity, too.’ My message here is self-love and to focus on self-love and reflect on, well, what do I want from a relationship.”
For students in long-distance relationships, Mazariegos advises couples to invest some time in face-to-face or video-call conversations that are meaningful.
“You know, a really, really good healthy couple, whether it’s long-distance or in person, is when two people have their own interests and have their own lives and, then, they have a life together as a couple,” the clinical therapist said.
Students who want more date ideas should consider Mazariegos’ tips, which describe a good date as one in which people can connect with all their senses. She suggests a walk or a nice dinner that involves conversation and interaction.
Mazariegos said everyone, at some point, will go through a breakup and it is important to know that you don’t have to go through it by yourself.
“I think after every breakup, it’s important to know, ‘What did I learn from this relationship? What did I lose in this relationship? What did I gain in this relationship? What did I give? How did I evolve? Or did I not evolve in this relationship?’ and that way you learn,” Mazariegos said.
This week on both campuses, the Counseling Center will host Love Your Selfie from 10 a.m. to noon Tuesday in the Bookstore and Main Courtyard in Brownsville, and from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Wednesday in the Student Union Commons in Edinburg.
Love Your Selfie is a celebration of the greatest love story of all, and that is self-love, Mazariegos said. The Counseling Center will provide tips and tricks on how to start a self-love relationship and how to date yourself.
“Know that there’s always hope for love, but it’s going to be challenging to find that real, real amazing love if you don’t love yourself,” she said. “So, it really does all start with the love that you have for yourself.”
