Welp, this is it, the last time I’ll ever write for the first people who paid me to write about sports, which still trips me out to this day. I can watch sports, talk about it, then get money for it? Sick.
With graduation days away, I can’t help but think about the times I thought I’d never make it to this point. I’m not talking about school or being able to turn a passion into a career, I’m talking about life.
I live with depression and anxiety. I could say I suffer from them, but it’s about how you frame things, and I like to think I’m in control of them for the most part. That doesn’t mean it hasn’t been a struggle on the long, winding road to get here.
Depression has been that dark cloud lingering over my head when all I was hoping for was a little bit of sunshine. The first time I ever experienced it, without knowing at the moment, was in junior high. I didn’t think anything of it, I was just super bummed out, but after going to a doctor, seeking therapy in my 20s, and reading and listening to people talk about their struggles, I realized what I was dealing with.
Anxiety has prevented me from pursuing plenty of what seemed like golden opportunities, from jobs, to relationships, to simple nights out with friends being another normal face in the crowd. The fear that consumed my brain and body took over, rendering me incapable of making decisions I truly wanted, which was to go get that job, date that woman and just have fun with my friends. I’ve always had a large imagination, which helps for the most part being creative for a living, but was also a detriment those times my mind would run wild while conjuring up the worst-case scenarios.
I’d be lying if I said I’ve never contemplated suicide. If it wasn’t for my dog Hurley, maybe I would’ve. But in the back of my mind, shielded away from the depression and anxiety that ran rampant, I never let go of the faith and belief in myself that I was destined for more.
I still battle with them every day, but something changed. I said “F-ck it” and started saying “yes” to things, to challenges, to fears, to everything.
Maybe it was some of the people I’ve met on my journey who have helped me learn and grow as a person. I won’t get too deep, but I just want to shout out a few people.
My guys Nathaniel Mata and Greg Selber, who made me feel like I was actually good at something. My homegirl Brenda Garza, who is an inspiration and forced me to come out of my shell, and Carina Alcantara, who is one of the most encouraging people I’ve ever met.
The people I’ve met working for The Rider have been amazing and are friendships I hope last a lifetime, especially with P.J. Da Prince, Master of Photography Gabriel Mata, and the nicest person I’ve ever met, Lesley Robles. Jesus Sanchez and Azenett Cornejo have also made me a better journalist, worker and person with their guidance, and for that, I’m thankful.
So, as I sit here with tears in my eyes writing this in the newsroom where I’ve worked for nearly two years, I couldn’t be more excited for what’s next. Sure, there’s some anxiety, but I got this.
Now, I want you to go get it.
Go out and get whatever it is you want in life, because there is nothing in this world that is unattainable. Chase your dreams, go after that job, ask your crush from third grade out on a date.
I’ll leave you with this: A wise philosopher by the name of Jay-Z, aka Jigga Man/Iceberg Slim/HOV, once said, “Fear not when, fear not why, fear not much while we’re alive, life is for living, not living uptight, til you’re somewhere up in the sky.”
So, let’s go out and get it while we’re here.
