Toxic femininity is hardly ever mentioned in mainstream culture. Toxic masculinity definitely has its consequences, but this is not a contest to see who has it worse. I’m just laying down some facts and opinions about a subject matter that few women want to acknowledge. Because to do so would imply that perhaps women are not always the victims, but the perpetrators.
If men and women are truly equal, then it would not be too much of a stretch to suggest that toxic femininity can exist. Is it not equal to contemplate that women can be capable of faults and evils as much as men can?
Sisterhood has never existed. Women have always competed with each other for resources. Resources that help them climb up the social ladder, such as men, appearances, social circles, careers, etc. That is just the way women have always survived, dating all the way back to the Stone Age and, for better or worse, it helped the female population evolve.
Women don’t form relationships the same way men do. We are at fault of committing “relational aggression.” In schoolyards, girl bullies will target mostly other females. They will ostracize, spread rumors/gossip, make comments on their victims’ appearance and grades. This is done with one goal in mind: to put down the females they feel are a threat to their climbing of the social ladder.
Smart and good-looking females are more likely to be targeted by female bullies, because they threaten females who lack these traits to enable them to be in a successful spot in society. Not only that, but the bullies will make assumptions that the only reason the victim holds these traits is solely for the purpose of gaining the attention of a male counterpart, attention of others or to challenge and mock the bully. These assumptions of women simply obtaining desirable attributes are almost always assumed and attacked by other females.
Some females will often stray from traditional feminine attributes, interests and activities, all in the name of “not being like other girls.” As they see traditional femininity as “weak,” “lame,” and “slutty,” they act the way they do for the sake of being a unique female.
For example, some nerdy/geeky/alternative girls always berate “popular/pretty girls” as slutty, dumb and bimbos for daring to wear makeup, being in a relationship, partying and having their own sense of fashion. Granted, the bullying does go the other way around. It is not a crime to be traditionally feminine or unfeminine, if you are doing it because that is who you are, if that is where your passion lies. But putting other women down for what you perceive as not empowering is not helping the cause at all.
The bullying does not stop there. It follows them to their workplace.
According to economia.icaew.com, “Queen Bees are women in the workplace that treat colleagues in a demoralising, undermining or bullying manner.”
This is common in workspaces where the majority are men. These women are less likely to help other women get into or achieve a higher status within the company. They do this because they feel that resources are limited at the top, thus creating a “me vs. you” mentality. Often conducting a “rope ladder” effect, women climb to the top and pull the ladder, ensuring that no other women can climb. It’s no wonder that most workplace females prefer to have a male boss, as opposed to a female one, according to glassceiling.com.
Can all this be fixed? In theory, yes.
If women just admit to their toxic behavior and not blame the patriarchy, then we can, generally, make some progress. Again, this is not a contest to see who has it worse and we should not be having that mentality. It encourages the “us vs. them” mentality even more, instead of acknowledging the problem at hand.
